Ive got a map that leads to nowhere else but to your old house

fallen from the top, if I was ok, do you think I would be smiling? Randomly boarded a plane in canada and flew away to the place I once was on the shores of being 12.
I want to sit on stokes bay with you, shells underneath my feet, cant take my shoes off because there's no soft sand. just dead seaweed, sharp edged seashells, pebbles and the cold english wind.
picking berries from where we shouldn't, getting stung on the legs by the leaves and prickles of the bushes. walking everywhere to anywhere with you towering over me. the tv flickering at past my bedtime and the smell of sherry from down the hallway. I'll open a bottle to remind me of you in every way I possible can without a photo in my view.
I miss having fish and chips for tea at your house. being outside in the sunshine with you inside making tea. I miss you over on sundays and the never ending smile that you are. I miss the taste of cooking you made me eat even if I didn't want it. farmhouse cake will always be my favourite and first choice.

his name was patrick

he's not bleeding on the dance floor just to keep you entertained

intermission

alberta prairies are green. so much open space makes me helpless. hopeless. the blue skies blanket. the sunset kisses the horizon. i'm blind and cant see. what a pretty gorgeous view. there is no city traffic. no crosswalks. no parking meters. no trash or screeching cars, c-trains, smog. nothing but the sound of crickets on the pond. coyotes in the distance. on the deck is the best spot. take a photo. capture a moment in time forever. it will last. time passes. who's keeping track. i love this place. it reminds me to remind myself of myself. take a moment. moments don't last forever; pictures do; my parent's house. mosquitoes are vampires any time of the day. can't use enough repellent. it's 9 on a thursday night. i'm on a bus to edmonton. no tv. no radio. thank goodness for my headphones and notebook. distract me from 3 hours travel. i miss my parents. my sisters. my brothers. my niece. is this how rock stars feel on tour? the sun disappears behind the gray clouds. the sign says 'welcome to Leduc'. 20 minutes to go. I miss my 4 dogs.

young hollywood from a newspaper clipping

everyone's looking for their 15 minutes of fame, but hollywood's only got 5
still alive in the city of lies, what you see is not all the same

have you heard the news you're dead?
dead and gone, no longer the life of the party
everyone's gone, you stand alone

innocence lost mixed a lethal chemical love affair
will end intoxicating despair
the streetlights shine too bright for you to bare
you're someone who can't remember their former self to compare

have you heard the news that you're dead?
dead and gone, now the afterlife of the party
everyone's forgot, u stand little child lost

Fix the ruby red with another hit to reason
car crash disaster is the rage this season
once upon a time you were someone to believe in

have you heard the news that you're dead?
dead and gone (dead on arrival)
no longer listed for the party
they say: "who's the new fix this week?'
you say: "you can't ever forget about me."

someone elses trash is someone elses gold

this cafe has no air conditioning. everyone is sufforcating in the heat
I couldnt care less because I still have half a cup of coffee
the street outside is filled with rushing traffic. this is what it feels like to be downtown again
Maybe when I'm here for good I'll get sick of the day in day out regergitated vernim
who call themselves career men and women. I never want to be like them.
no time to stop and smell the roses, disconnect from my life on the phone, wear a suit of contradiciton and no room for anything else but work.
I can walk everywhere my feet take me and the buses always run
I've got my headphones to tune out the noise of the traffic with my favourite songs
as long as I have enough batteries I'll be just fine.
A homeless man digs inside the trash can, another sleeps in the park green. different walks of people come here. they all have different faces, different stories, different scars, different pasts. the city at its best. or worst. I havent figured it out yet. Spring, summer, autumn and winter always feel different but the city never is. Just enough to make anyone feel like this is their home.

my shoes hurt.

I dont believe...

you've lied to me for the first time
you've stolen from me for the last
you'll be honest to yourself again
you've taken a chance on a friend

I've lied to you before
I've helped you at the final straw
I'll ever turn my back on you
I won't be around for you when you need me

You let things go
You make the right choices for yourself
You never run too far
You'll never find your way home

I've seen you at your worst
I've ever been so cursed
I can make you understand
I'm not available to you by demand

we're better off not friends
we'll never be there for each other
we'll leave the other behind
we'll grow old and alone

Next

Mornings are the next best thing
to the next best thing I've never experienced.
Bring the kettle to the boil and taste the car crash of me
vs the daydreams as a child

Newspaper clippings remind me of a world
I used to want to know
in the back of my mind to my youth on a skateboard
Each day seems simple when you're twelve and nothing to lose
everything to gain
so easy to walk out the door, what does the world have to say?

ill drink my tea before it gets cold and Ill have to make another
sun scalding through the window kiss the freshly cleaned floor
one chore crossed off the list and more to go
these are the days that remind me who am I talking too?

not just a natural blonde, but a professional "how do I do it?"

I would post more about myself if i could figure this all out.

until then here's my AOL: SmashingBex

some people have never heard of you

cross the road to get to the other side
got a ticket for jaywalking
pay your fine
pay the man who promises to lead you down the aisle
roll the dice like they do in vegas and stay better betting for a while
sat on the sidelines
waiting for the game
are you the same person I once knew
or did the scene inject an infest of change?
flow through the veins of whatever you intend to be
the audience isn't listening to your speech
your childish chemical infatuation will shadow you in the lightest places
drowning loved ones faces
into a sad song that plays on the radio of your conscious.

afternoon delight, midnight flight,
rewind the time back to the morning after
wake up call and wake up to regain your sight.
'"I've met you before but can't recall your name."
"I've seen you before but can't remember your face."
a rhetorical line to suit you just fine
to go back, your life is on the emergency line.
all the dreams of youth flushed down the toilet never to be shared
abandon the trip on the high, people wont leave if they care.
Salesman knocking on doors, no one believes the lies your selling
dig amongst the trash, theres no telling
to what you'll find, even if its not what you need
a one way ticket back to yourself

the unplugged radio still plays my song

music is the only way to speak to you when I cannot find the brilliant lines to say

mine is 'this is whats on my mind' vs. your 'this is what's on the line'.

It's 2 am and I'm still awake writing the first thing that comes into my head
My coffee went cold and no short of fantastic, its time for bed.

I don't think I should be hitting repeat on my CD,
Turn it off, shut it off and go to sleep.

This is my addiction that keeps me from destroying myself in the best possible way
I'll find you in the best possible way you don't know how to escape.

Fall Out Boy's Hum Hallelujah

What the hell is with the monkeys in the video for Fall Out Boy's single 'thnks fr th mmrs"?

Fun video all the same. Great song, but this is the best off their CD 'Infinity on High:

Hum Hallelujah

It's all a game of this or that, now versus then
better off against worse for wear
And you're someone who knows someone who knows someone I once knew
And I just want to be a part of this

The road outside my house is paved with good intentions
Hired a construction crew, 'cause it's hell on the engine
And you are the dreamer and we are the dream.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.

So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light.
A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too

My words are my faith to hell with our good name.
A remix of your guts-your insides X-rayed
And one day we'll get nostalgic for disaster
we're a bull, your ears are just a china shop

I love you in the same way, there's a chapel in a hospital
One foot in your bedroom and one foot out the door
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.
I could write it better than you ever felt it.

So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light.
A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelu...
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelu...
(Hum hallelujah (Hum hallelujah), hum hallelujah (Hum hallelujah))

A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too

So hum hallelujah,
Just off the key of reason
I thought I loved you
It was just how you looked in the light.
A teenage vow in a parking lot (Hum hallelujah)
"Till tonight do us part"
Love in a parking lot (Hum hallelujah)
"Till tonight do us part"
A teenage vow in a parking lot
"Till tonight do us part"
I sing the blues and swallow them too