Monday, September 26, 2011

Empty Chair



For your convenience.

One Day

One day I'll be with my own
that day I will have outgrown
you.

One day will be worth the wait
finally setting my sails for something great
not you.

Wake up somewhere new with someone about due
change the smile on my face
you are without a trace.

One day soon,
sooner than I think.

White Picket Fences

A friend of mine got me thinking about this, and maybe it's my age that I'm approaching (30 next week), or maybe it's the conversations I've had with my sister, and other folks along the way, but the idea of getting married, having children and settling into perfect suburbia just makes me cringe.

Marriage can be a great thing, but just because you have that shiny band on your finger doesn't solve anything. It may solve that it would be harder for one of you to walk away so easily and the lingering price tag of the wedding may be running through your head, but being married doesn't mean a lifelong fairytale. I suppose this is where I would be a little jaded by the idea of getting married. If I ever met someone who felt the same towards marriage as I do, then I'd do it. Most people I come across just want to get married for the wedding, which seems absolutely wild considering how much money weddings cost. If I got married, I would grab my guy, hop on a plane and get married somewhere. No fuss, no 200 guest list, just me and him and then have a huge party when we returned.

Most people I talk to can't wrap their head around the fact I don't want children. "oh, but don't you want a family of your own?' is the most popular response I get. Of course I want a family, but I feel like I already have it in the form of my friends and family already in place. I don't want children and the thought of being a mother has never crossed my mind and at this point, I don't think it ever will. If I did get to the point of wanting children, I would adopt. There are plenty of children without a home that I would rather invest in than going through nine months of stretch marks, uncontrollable bladder, swelling and mood swings. I can do that on a Tuesday. I don't go gaga for babies and it's really hard for me to pretend. This proved at an event recently, that I don't mind children, I just have a hard time trying to go nuts over them. A puppy, however, is a different story.

A relative of mine once said that I was a different example of people my age. I knew exactly what she meant by that - I don't have a fiancee, mortgage, car, career of my choice (although I do work for an Academy Award winning, billion dollar company, and shit- that's the icing on my cake for now), I don't have babies on the brain and I do my own thing. I knew she was fishing for further details - whether she thinks I am OK or not is besides me- but she was concerned that maybe I was unhappy. I am not unhappy, I am just unattached in the conventional way. I'm not alone, I'm just by myself. Is that such a crime? I don't think so, but it would be nice to go to a company event, party, friend gathering with a special someone to show off.

Until then, I'll keep banging out the best heels and the best British sarcasm I can.