YOU

I don't like your face
I'm over finding your trace(s)
you stick to me like glue.

I'd wish you'd stop being my shadow,
little lost puppy dog
I don't want to be mean to you, but I've asked you to go
plain and simple.

You bore me, you bore us.
Please don't make a fuss
I never liked your t-shirts anyway
No, you can't keep a toothbrush here
I'm making that clear.
You always make a mess in the bathroom.
I can never find my lip gloss.

Your scraped up knees are ugly
They don't do anything for me.
Your car smells of old food
and the window doesn't roll down easy.
You're a lousy tipper
day-tripper
car stripper

I've got my own keys and I can buy my own dinner.

The Quiet

No words to say other than the right ones
How to begin
How to end.



A moment alive, a moment to revive
passed.


Empty pages ready for a breath
of something long overdue.
I'm not sure how to pursue
the beginning of what should last a lifetime
or perhaps just the right time.


Maybe tomorrow I won't be quiet.

New Chapter(s)

I am finally getting back into the writing groove. I honestly haven’t felt it in a while, so this marks the first weekend in a while that I’ve set up camp in a coffee shop at 8:30am and cranked out a few pages. I am also looking forward to attending a young adult novel writing class later this month- hopefully the college doesn’t cancel it like last term. those buggers.

Playground Love

I’ve been thinking alot about my book series I’m trying to write. Digging through my memories of what my high school years consisted of. No school uniforms was a blessing attending school in Canada and despite what you may see in the movies, not all high schools were filled with the clearly defined stereotypical groups. Mine sure wasn’t anyway. I found that mostly talking to the less popular kids was more my thing than trying to fit into the popular crowd. Having your first high school crush and whether or not to ask that guy out, trying to pass chemistry class and failing with enthusiasm no matter how hard you tried to compromise with the teacher or just trying not to forget your locker combination. My years of high school consisted of Dawson’s Creek, Buffy The Vampire Slayer on YTV on Saturday nights, The Spice Girls on repeat, Leonardo DiCaprio became a full fledged heartthrob and occupied my bedroom wall, calling mean boys at school wankers, American Pie & the teen horror genre revisited the cinema, wearing platform sneakers, flared Tommy Hilfiger jeans and cutting my own hair short following Cameron Diaz’ in There’s Something about Mary. Yes.. that made a great yearbook photo… One thing I am utterly proud of in my high school career is that I passed drama class with flying colours and always wrote my own material, except for my directing final which i got top marks. I’m also proud that i didn't trip on stage at the graduation ceremony. I think I survived pretty good.

Empty Chair

For your convenience.

One Day

One day I'll be with my own
that day I will have outgrown
you.

One day will be worth the wait
finally setting my sails for something great
not you.

Wake up somewhere new with someone about due
change the smile on my face
you are without a trace.

One day soon,
sooner than I think.

White Picket Fences

A friend of mine got me thinking about this, and maybe it's my age that I'm approaching (30 next week), or maybe it's the conversations I've had with my sister, and other folks along the way, but the idea of getting married, having children and settling into perfect suburbia just makes me cringe.

Marriage can be a great thing, but just because you have that shiny band on your finger doesn't solve anything. It may solve that it would be harder for one of you to walk away so easily and the lingering price tag of the wedding may be running through your head, but being married doesn't mean a lifelong fairytale. I suppose this is where I would be a little jaded by the idea of getting married. If I ever met someone who felt the same towards marriage as I do, then I'd do it. Most people I come across just want to get married for the wedding, which seems absolutely wild considering how much money weddings cost. If I got married, I would grab my guy, hop on a plane and get married somewhere. No fuss, no 200 guest list, just me and him and then have a huge party when we returned.

Most people I talk to can't wrap their head around the fact I don't want children. "oh, but don't you want a family of your own?' is the most popular response I get. Of course I want a family, but I feel like I already have it in the form of my friends and family already in place. I don't want children and the thought of being a mother has never crossed my mind and at this point, I don't think it ever will. If I did get to the point of wanting children, I would adopt. There are plenty of children without a home that I would rather invest in than going through nine months of stretch marks, uncontrollable bladder, swelling and mood swings. I can do that on a Tuesday. I don't go gaga for babies and it's really hard for me to pretend. This proved at an event recently, that I don't mind children, I just have a hard time trying to go nuts over them. A puppy, however, is a different story.

A relative of mine once said that I was a different example of people my age. I knew exactly what she meant by that - I don't have a fiancee, mortgage, car, career of my choice (although I do work for an Academy Award winning, billion dollar company, and shit- that's the icing on my cake for now), I don't have babies on the brain and I do my own thing. I knew she was fishing for further details - whether she thinks I am OK or not is besides me- but she was concerned that maybe I was unhappy. I am not unhappy, I am just unattached in the conventional way. I'm not alone, I'm just by myself. Is that such a crime? I don't think so, but it would be nice to go to a company event, party, friend gathering with a special someone to show off.

Until then, I'll keep banging out the best heels and the best British sarcasm I can.

Dear Love(r)

I came to tell you I shall keep your memory
locked in another place.
I heard you found happiness in a form that I cannot invent.
I will be around without any trace.

I would walk through fire
for one chance of desire,
that feeling has passed
and I have found something that will last.

Book Club

My colleague pulled me into a book club with some other ladies recently. This is the first book club I have been a part of and so far, its a good thing. I have tons of books sitting onmy shelves, collecting dust, so I'm hoping this will prompt me to clean these off and open their pages.

Our first book is 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being' by Milan Kundera.
story:
A young woman is in love with a successful surgeon, a man torn between his love for her and his incorrigible womanizing. His mistress, a free-spirited artist, lives her life as a series of betrayalsâ€"while her other lover, earnest, faithful, and good, stands to lose everything because of his noble qualities. In a world where lives are shaped by irrevocable choices and fortuitous events, and everything occurs but once, existence seems to lose its substance, its weight. Hence we feel "the unbearable lightness of being."

Im nearly finished this book and Im not quite a fan of how miserable these characters are. What I do like about this book, is that not everything is black and white and things are complicated. I just hope that our next book is more happy. It'll be interesting what the other ladies think of this.
B.

Unwritten.

I have sat here for a good hour tonight attempting to get cracking on another chapter of my Confessions Of A Wallflower book series, but nothing more than a line is coming to me.

Diving into the mind of a shy 14 year old who is greiving the loss of her best friend while beginning a fresh start in a new town, isnt much of a stretch for me, as this character is loosely based upon myself (minus the death of a friend, mine are all wonderfully still here.) What I am trying to write is a view on what I saw in my high school - my experiences in England and in Canada - and mould them into the lives of the stereotypes one would find at a high school: the jock, the popular girl, the nerd, the rebel and of course, the shy quiet outsider who narrates the story.

I am very drawn to characters who have more to them than meets the eye, whether they are the beauty or the geek, the chubby flute player or the permanent resident in detention. It’s interesting to watch and interesting to write and who doesnt have those memories of high school? Pleasant or not, we all have them.

My aim is to tell a story of Samantha and her experiences through the few individuals around her as she completes 4 years of high school; accepting her loss and that there is always more to something than is on the surface.

Fingers crossed I succeed in this goal.

Frank

You blind me with your colour

and heart.

You took the steps

but fell into the dark.

I can’t shake the though of you

in your twisted youth.

I hope you can remember me

when I need the truth.

Pages

I have an odd relationship with books. I love going to any bookstore to see what I can find. I mostly like going to the secondhand stores and finding books that have a message written in the first page. It makes me think of where this book has been, who it was given to and for what occasion; birthday, Christmas, Easter, a sister hand me down or a gift to someone recovering in hospital.

Currently by my side screaming to be read:

Go Ask Alice,
The English Patient
The Tracey Fragments
Claire's Head
Wild Dogs

My sister also gave me a couple of books I have somewhere calling me to read:

Confessions of a Shopoholic,
Secret Life Of Bees
The Divine Secrets of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood
The Girls Guide to Hunting & Fishing

I'll get to them, I know I will one day soon.

Practice Makes Perfect

That look in your eye reminds me I am alive

for what?

I’m hanging on to what never was

and you’re hanging onto the maybe just because.


Nothing is as what it seems,

but it never has been.

Maybe it’s all in my head?

It might be nice if you’d choose to believe it instead.


Who would it be easier for,

me or you?

One of us is a fool

to think we can walk down this road

soon.


I’ll dry my eyes,

fix a smile, leave the sidelines.

I’ll face the crowd

My voice never aloud

You can see it in my eyes, for you I am not alive.

Lungs

Lay me down

In my best sunday dress, ruffles all around

The cold beneath romances itself down my spine

I breathe in, I know I’ll be fine.

The sparkle in your button brown eyes ignites a fire

You hold me under

Your spell

This isnt a spark I care to fuel

Suddenly this became a duel

Your grip on me isnt welcomed

I’m in love with the wrong one

Water fills my lungs

This is no longer fun

Holding me under your spell

I can’t recall when you fell

My dress swims the tide line

My last breath crosses the finish line

my chemical romance

I know..
you are my world
you are the person I want to grow old with
I see myself in your eyes
You are not perfect
But neither am I.

I know..
You’re a poison running through my veins
I don’t know when it began.
A thousand li(f)es won’t break this smile
To be with you all the while.

I know..
I live like this because you’re not around
I try to get up but I fall to the ground.
Breathe life back into me so my heart can beat again.
I don’t want this to be my end.