Morning

Open my eyes
breathe out the li(f)e
button jeans
fit at the seams

reflection rejection
yesterday's injection
my baby blues
look right through

step down one by one
nowhere to run
anchor the bottom
forgiven not forgotten

all will clear and make sense
life for rent
you love my sins
you against my skin

Right Here, Right now

I never want to leave the place youve created in my head.
sitting on the grass under the stars. warm breath on the chilly air.
The world stops spinning. I start living.

The Girl With The Thorn In Her Side

I stained my jeans again trying to get to the other side

Cue the second act but I’m stuck on the first line.

It’s a fight and you’re ready for the next round.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, I fall to the ground.

Get back up, back to the start to where it all unfazed.

Under the stars, under the night sky, a promise unmade.

The last kiss stings as much as the first

I’ll make my own hearse.

whatdoyouthinkithinkofyouandyourcontroloverme?

actually, you're pissing me off.
i hate you. and i dont like you.


my addiction * costs me at least $15 a day. Not cool. You suck.



*starbucks.

un valentines day(s)

I see the life in your eyes that was once there
Kissing in the rain will never be the same
The game is not fun anymore
The photograph is all ruined by the fingerprints I left behind
Coffee stain and torn edges
take this memory, thanks for the memory
I'll rewind back to before there was (i love) you(s)

It's been a while with so few words

Almost two years without a whisper? I shall surely be correcting that real quick. I am writing alot and striving towards finishing a draft of my screenplay I can set out into the world. I live in a fantastic city with lots of creative inspiration and I am much better writing things down into dialogue and fleshed characters rather than one liners and ramblings floating around in becky space. I miss this.

Here's an icebreaker:

25 Random Things About Me

1. I owned a Pink Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle skateboard when I was 11.
2. My favourite candy is Malteasers.
3. I live in leggings/jeans. depending on the day.
4. I won 2 medals for Baton Twirling when I was 13.
5. I am huge Spice Girls Fan.
6. I kept newspapers from Princess Diana's funeral.
7. I have never tried smoking. (and never will)
8. I have a fear of heights, sharks & underwater. You couldn't pay me enough money to go to sea world. I get nervous at petland and the fish tanks. ( I'll thank steven spielberg when I meet him)
9. I am slowly getting over my fear of spiders.
10. I love period movies- especially horrors that are set in that time.
11. I believe in ghosts.
12. I believe in aliens.
13. I believe we are all doing the best we know how.
14. I love photography- specifically black & whites.
15. My favourite actor & actress is Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.
16. I am addicted to the colour pink.
17. My favourite drink is the Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks.
18. My initals are RAW.
19. My parent are my heroes.
20. I am not into sports.
21. I took easy classes in High School. I'm an artist, I don't need to take physics.
22. I hate cell phones, yet I gave in and bought one.
23. I wanted to be an actress.
24. I can't draw.
25. I can count on one hand the people who actually know me and I would trust with my life.

B

Ry Na

You brighten my day when all I see is black and thorns.
When I hide my face away from the world you search to seek it out.
Fallen down, risen up, you never seem to fail
to make the darkest sky turn a shade of light,
you're the best contradiction of betrayal.
what would I do without this air supply you feed
me when I'm not my best?
like a knife stabbing right through my chest, I can put that to rest
I only need all that I've got
this is belated but not forgot
I could be the poster child of failure or the pretty face of the next best scene
you're there with me
causing trouble, making fun, or the last to leave
the party
You find the right words even when I can't speak
how the hell do you do that?
whatever it may be, I Luv you back.

Ive got a map that leads to nowhere else but to your old house

fallen from the top, if I was ok, do you think I would be smiling? Randomly boarded a plane in canada and flew away to the place I once was on the shores of being 12.
I want to sit on stokes bay with you, shells underneath my feet, cant take my shoes off because there's no soft sand. just dead seaweed, sharp edged seashells, pebbles and the cold english wind.
picking berries from where we shouldn't, getting stung on the legs by the leaves and prickles of the bushes. walking everywhere to anywhere with you towering over me. the tv flickering at past my bedtime and the smell of sherry from down the hallway. I'll open a bottle to remind me of you in every way I possible can without a photo in my view.
I miss having fish and chips for tea at your house. being outside in the sunshine with you inside making tea. I miss you over on sundays and the never ending smile that you are. I miss the taste of cooking you made me eat even if I didn't want it. farmhouse cake will always be my favourite and first choice.

his name was patrick

he's not bleeding on the dance floor just to keep you entertained

intermission

alberta prairies are green. so much open space makes me helpless. hopeless. the blue skies blanket. the sunset kisses the horizon. i'm blind and cant see. what a pretty gorgeous view. there is no city traffic. no crosswalks. no parking meters. no trash or screeching cars, c-trains, smog. nothing but the sound of crickets on the pond. coyotes in the distance. on the deck is the best spot. take a photo. capture a moment in time forever. it will last. time passes. who's keeping track. i love this place. it reminds me to remind myself of myself. take a moment. moments don't last forever; pictures do; my parent's house. mosquitoes are vampires any time of the day. can't use enough repellent. it's 9 on a thursday night. i'm on a bus to edmonton. no tv. no radio. thank goodness for my headphones and notebook. distract me from 3 hours travel. i miss my parents. my sisters. my brothers. my niece. is this how rock stars feel on tour? the sun disappears behind the gray clouds. the sign says 'welcome to Leduc'. 20 minutes to go. I miss my 4 dogs.

young hollywood from a newspaper clipping

everyone's looking for their 15 minutes of fame, but hollywood's only got 5
still alive in the city of lies, what you see is not all the same

have you heard the news you're dead?
dead and gone, no longer the life of the party
everyone's gone, you stand alone

innocence lost mixed a lethal chemical love affair
will end intoxicating despair
the streetlights shine too bright for you to bare
you're someone who can't remember their former self to compare

have you heard the news that you're dead?
dead and gone, now the afterlife of the party
everyone's forgot, u stand little child lost

Fix the ruby red with another hit to reason
car crash disaster is the rage this season
once upon a time you were someone to believe in

have you heard the news that you're dead?
dead and gone (dead on arrival)
no longer listed for the party
they say: "who's the new fix this week?'
you say: "you can't ever forget about me."

someone elses trash is someone elses gold

this cafe has no air conditioning. everyone is sufforcating in the heat
I couldnt care less because I still have half a cup of coffee
the street outside is filled with rushing traffic. this is what it feels like to be downtown again
Maybe when I'm here for good I'll get sick of the day in day out regergitated vernim
who call themselves career men and women. I never want to be like them.
no time to stop and smell the roses, disconnect from my life on the phone, wear a suit of contradiciton and no room for anything else but work.
I can walk everywhere my feet take me and the buses always run
I've got my headphones to tune out the noise of the traffic with my favourite songs
as long as I have enough batteries I'll be just fine.
A homeless man digs inside the trash can, another sleeps in the park green. different walks of people come here. they all have different faces, different stories, different scars, different pasts. the city at its best. or worst. I havent figured it out yet. Spring, summer, autumn and winter always feel different but the city never is. Just enough to make anyone feel like this is their home.

my shoes hurt.

I dont believe...

you've lied to me for the first time
you've stolen from me for the last
you'll be honest to yourself again
you've taken a chance on a friend

I've lied to you before
I've helped you at the final straw
I'll ever turn my back on you
I won't be around for you when you need me

You let things go
You make the right choices for yourself
You never run too far
You'll never find your way home

I've seen you at your worst
I've ever been so cursed
I can make you understand
I'm not available to you by demand

we're better off not friends
we'll never be there for each other
we'll leave the other behind
we'll grow old and alone

Next

Mornings are the next best thing
to the next best thing I've never experienced.
Bring the kettle to the boil and taste the car crash of me
vs the daydreams as a child

Newspaper clippings remind me of a world
I used to want to know
in the back of my mind to my youth on a skateboard
Each day seems simple when you're twelve and nothing to lose
everything to gain
so easy to walk out the door, what does the world have to say?

ill drink my tea before it gets cold and Ill have to make another
sun scalding through the window kiss the freshly cleaned floor
one chore crossed off the list and more to go
these are the days that remind me who am I talking too?

not just a natural blonde, but a professional "how do I do it?"

I would post more about myself if i could figure this all out.

until then here's my AOL: SmashingBex